Thursday, July 22, 2010

Getting Back (1)

Somewhere along the way we got lost. I don't really know how else to explain it. First came the house. Then the car, a child, and a number of other purchases. A business. Another child on the way. And with each thing we got a little further off the path.

I have decided to use this blog as more of a diary for now- I need a way to get it all out. And heck, its my blog so really I can do whatever I want! I'm going to be doing however many of these posts I feel I need to, and maybe just a random regular one here and there when I dont feel like talking (er, blogging).

I guess I should clarify a thing or two first. What I mean by 'we got lost' is that financially we got lost. We lost track of goals and savings and focused on the 'now'. That is our stack of bills in the picture. Actually, its been worse so thats not a bad shot. But you can see how we are now in over our heads. Who needs all the stuff that we have? I know we thought we needed it at one point, but at what expense? I know that stressing out every single day thinking about it is NOT worth a new(er) car, a flat screen tv or some other unnecessary item.

We are trying to sell our house. It's not going so hot, to be quite honest. I think our realtor is unmotivated by the lack of commission she will get when (if) she sold it. We have had 2 open houses and a handful of people come look. The kitchen is too small, its on a gravel road, blah blah blah. Basically, things we cannot change. So what now? We have a baby coming in November, I worry EVERY single day about blowing out a tire on my car as I am driving because my tires are so bad, oh, and that stack of bills up top to pay. Darek and I both need our eyes checked and new contacts (who said those 30 day contacts can't last you a year- pshaw), Carter needs fall clothes, and did I mention a baby will be here in November??

So what is one to do? We have been thinking about just walking away. We have a place to stay (we are going to stay at my parents' house). And, really, if we are together as a family isnt that all that matters? We will be fed and have a roof over our heads and we will be together. Keeping our credit score up has nothing over on all that. Its just a number (a somewhat important one, but who's keeping track?).

One minute I am SURE of what we should do. Walk away. Let the bank take the house back. Just shrug when people say they saw our name in the paper under the foreclosure section. The next minute I am so scared and embarrassed. What will people think? And I dont mean that in a personal way- I mean for our business. Will people think we can't handle it? Will they not come in and eat pizza?!?! I know nothing about the foreclosure process except for what google has told me. And it has scared me to death. And the next minute I am looking at Carter thinking that as long as he is happy that's all that matters. He doesnt know what his mom and dad's credit score is nor does he care. This new baby won't care either, especially if she has clothes to wear home and a carseat. And then scared again.

1 comment:

Beth said...

Sorry this is a stressful time for you! Especially when you are preggers- that makes everything seem worse. We have had our share of financial troubles, we are still treading water at times. The way I have to look at it (or else I start freaking out) is that we are working towards something. Jared is finishing school. Until he does, and probably for a while after, we will be (very) tight. One day at a time. It will get better. And so many people are foreclosing- don't even worry about it. If that is what you need to do, that's just how it is. Love you!